Q Why do people abuse?
People abuse their partner because they believe that they are entitled to more power and control in the relationship than their partner is. They may see their partner as someone that they ‘own’. They may have bought in to the popular culture myth that men are dominant and aggressive and women are passive and submissive. However, it’s important to remember that it is never the abused partners’ fault – no matter what the abuser says. The myth that some abused people like the abuse is just that – a myth. Nobody likes being abused and nobody asks for it.
Q I’m not ready for sex. How do I tell my boyfriend/girlfriend without them dumping me?
It’s great that you’ve thought about what you’re ready for within your relationship and what you’re not ready for. As always, communication with your partner is the key. Although it may be difficult, you need to have an honest conversation in private with your partner about what you are ready to do/not ready to do. If your partner starts to pressure you into doing things that makes you feel uncomfortable then maybe you need to consider whether you are in a healthy relationship. If your bf/gf does dump you over not having sex then they are probably not worth having as a bf/gf.
Q How do I get a boyfriend?Well, from your question it sounds like there isn’t a particular person you like at the moment, so I’m assuming we’re talking about a boyfriend in general, not how to ask out someone you know already. One thing to think about first is why do you want a boyfriend? Sometimes people feel pressure because if seems like everyone has boyfriends or girlfriends so they should have one too, but in reality plenty of people are single and happy that way.Meeting people who might become a boyfriend is pretty similar to making new friends. A lot of us find it difficult to find, make or keep friends – sometimes because they are shy or find it difficult to start a conversation. The best friendships, including dating relationships, are with people who share common interests, so you could try joining groups, activities or teams that interest you, which will give you the chance to meet new people. This gives you something to talk about and can increase your confidence to talk about other things with potential new friends.Watch and learn from social people who make friends easily, practise looking people in the eye when you talk to them, and listen to what others are saying, rather than focusing on your own self-consciousness – and smile. When you talk to someone new, ask them questions about themselves or what they like to do; it’s a good way to get started.If there is already someone you are interested in, or if you try the suggestions above and become interested in someone new, the main thing is to try to relax and be yourself. Lots of thoughts and feelings arise when you are around a person you like and a big one is fear of rejection. Most people are scared of being rejected because they think it means that there is something wrong with them. Just remember that this relationship stuff is new to everyone your age and the person you like is probably just as nervous about getting it right as you are. Telling someone that you like them or asking someone out can be really nerve wrecking & embarrassing. You can try asking them out through a text or pm,and if they say no, at least you can get the news in privacy, and it can be easier for them to have time to think about their answer. However, if you’re pretty confident that they like you back you may feel self-assured enough to ask them face to face. Just remember it’s important to respect the answer they give, and make sure they don’t feel pressured either way. Good luck!
Q Is it natural to not know if you like the opposite sex at this age?
It is natural and normal to have a lot of new feelings and thoughts during adolescence. There are hormones racing around, making your body do all sorts of different things while your brain is trying to keep up with it all. Many adolescents develop same sex crushes that aren’t necessarily sexual which can confuse things as well. Some people know from a very early age which sex they’re attracted to, but some people take a while to work it all out. Be honest with yourself and find a trusted adult you feel comfortable talking to about your feelings.
Q What is the right age to have a boyfriend or girlfriend?Some people become interested in having a boyfriend or girlfriend at an early age, others are not interested until they are well into being an adult. There is no magical age that tells you when you can and cannot start dating. However, parents and carers’ rules about relationships play a part here too. If your parents have told you that you must be a certain age to date and you keep a relationship secret from them, it will be difficult for them to help if you need support and advice. Relationships can be tricky, and you may need the support from your family at some stage.In any case, regardless of age, it is important that if you do decide that you want to start dating someone, that you ask for their consent and communicate this with them. You both must also be mature enough to follow basic relationship rights and responsibilities, such as respecting one another as an equal, giving yourself and them space to spend time with other friends and family, and ensuring you both are free to express yourselves respectfully without any pressure or threats.If you feel you and the person you are interested in understand how to be a respectful partner and will not pressure each other to do anything that you are not ready for, that is more important than any particular age.~ Bonnie
Q What can you do about domestic violence if you’re told to keep it a secret?
Having to keep a secret like that is really hard, particularly if it’s in your family, or if you’re concerned about the safety and wellbeing of another person. Sometimes, but certainly not always, talking about the violence can make it worse if you’re given the wrong advice or if the person you talk to tells the wrong people at the wrong time. However, it is really important that you talk to someone who you can trust and who will be able to help you know what to do. There are a number of people in school that you can talk to such as guidance officers/counsellors; there are also many community support services that specialise in domestic violence counselling. For more information, check out our page on Intimate Partner Violence and how to support someone experiencing this.
Q But don’t some women ask to get raped by getting really drunk and stuff?
No. Nobody EVER asks to be raped. Being raped means being forced or coerced in to sex with another person. The idea that some women ‘invite’ rape by being drunk, or going to a party alone, or wearing this, that or the other is what is called victim-blaming – and victim blaming is a horrible, horrible part of rape culture. Victim blaming tells the victim that ‘if they got raped, it’s their fault and if they don’t want to face that fact then they should shut up’. Victim blaming leaves the victim feeling responsible for a crime that was committed against them, isolated from support and humiliated. Victim blaming encourages people to stay quiet. And when people stay quiet, nothing changes. It also tells rapists (just so we’re clear, that’s people who have sex with someone without their enthusiastic consent) that their behaviour and the choices that they made are not their fault. Rape is the fault of the rapist. And that is that.
Q What do you do when your friend’s ex boyfriend/girlfriend likes you and you like them?
This can be really tricky. If your friendship is important to you – you should talk with your friend first about your feelings. Although this may be hard, going behind your friend’s back and secretly seeing their ex can create much bigger problems and damage your friendship. Keep in mind that bringing this up may piss your friend off. Practising what to say to your friend first may help.
Q Do girls abuse their male partners?
Male partners can be the victims of abuse in relationships. This is true for both heterosexual and homosexual relationships. However, it’s important to note that in at least 95% of cases, it is the male partner who is the abuser.
Q What is slut shaming?
This is something that happens, pretty much, just to women. Slut Shaming is when women and girls are attacked, put down, gossiped about and laughed at for breaking the ‘supposed rules’ of being a female in this world. A girl or woman might be called nasty words for having consensual sex, she might be called the s-l-u-t word because there are rumours or people think that she is having sex or engaging in sexual activity. She might cop slut shaming for flirting with someone she likes, or for wearing a skirt or worst of all, for having non-consensual sex (that means a girl/ woman who is raped gets called a s-l-u-t/ w-h-o-r-e/ other-horrible-name).
Q What is gray rape?
There is no such thing as ‘gray rape’. But I expect that you’re asking about rape where it’s not really rape. And just so you’re sure – there is no rape where it’s not really rape - rape is rape. However people (rape apologists) may like to dress it up (or down) by using terms like ‘date rape’, 'marital rape’, or ‘she changed her mind half way through’... sex without consent is rape. It's ideas like this that feed the rape culture belief that rape is only ‘real’ rape when it’s a stranger, even though women are three times more likely to be raped by someone they know.
Q What is rape culture?
Rape culture is a complex series of beliefs that encourages male sexual aggression and supports violence against women. It is a society where violence is seen as sexy. In a rape culture, both men and women assume that sexual violence is a fact of life and that there is nothing that anyone can do to change that. It’s a culture that teaches, “Don’t get raped” instead of “Don’t rape”. It is a culture where men are expected to be hyper-masculine (aggressive, tough, and violent) and women are expected to be submissive and sexually objectified (compliant, passive, and sexually available). Clearly, this belief is wrong. Most men are not sexually violent. And no woman ever ‘asks’ to be raped. The problem is that rape culture limits us to behaving in one particular way and people are so much more than some dumb stereotype sold to us by people that want our money.
Q How do rights and responsibilities vary across different relationships?That’s a great question. In balanced relationships such as friendships and romantic relationships, there should be an equal balance of power. This means that both/all people in the relationship have equal rights and responsibilities which are things such as treating each other with respect, kindness, safety, empathy and compassion and be able to expect these things in return. One of the most clarifying questions you can ask is “do we have the same amount of power in this relationship?”. If the relationship is a friendship or romantic relationship, for it to be healthy, it's important to have an equal balance of power so that both people feel safe to express themselves freely and openly and still be treated with respect, even when you might have a disagreement. In different types of relationships there are some different rights and responsibilities and it's important to know what your rights and responsibilities are and where the boundaries are in those relationships.Examples of relationships that may be unbalanced are things like, teacher and student, sports coach and player, parent and child, police officer and member of the public. In these situations, there is an unequal balance of power, however this is for the protection of the community and in these cases, the person with more power also has more responsibility to behave respectfully and maintain the safety of those they have power over.- Christie
Q What’s the big deal about naked women in popular culture – isn’t it good that women are feeling empowered to be sexual?
There are a couple of things that make this a big deal. Firstly, many of the women we see on music vids and stuff like that aren’t being naked because they choose to be. They are usually naked to sell something – to make money for somebody else. That makes them a commodity – a product – and that makes them objectified. The easiest way for one person to be violent towards another person is to turn them in to an object ... it’s much easier to hurt an object than a person.
Another thing that makes this a big deal is that it assumes that women are only valued for being hot. These same women who are being ‘empowered’ by being naked aren’t being empowered (or valued) for being smart, funny, witty, talented, courageous, quirky, adventurous – all of those things that make us REAL.
If mainstream pop culture was really open to all expressions of female sexuality and not simply presenting women's bodies as objects to be ogled, then we wouldn't be seeing the same body types in the same poses again and again.
Q What if me and my partner have a fight – does that mean we are broken up?
Disagreements and discussions are part of communicating in a respectful relationship. Having a fight doesn’t need to mean a break-up but it does mean that you have an issue that needs to be resolved. If there are any power and control issues in the fighting, then it is not a healthy and respectful relationship.
Q How do I ask someone out?
It can feel a lot safer to ask someone out online or through a text message because if you’re rejected, at least they can’t see your face. And it can be easier for them to let you down gently. However, if you’re pretty confident that they like you back, you may feel self-assured enough to ask them face to face.
Q I hate being in the same class as my ex. What should I do?
Break ups can be hard, especially at school where it’s almost impossible to avoid the person. Remember that over time things will get easier but to help in the meantime you can sit with a friend away from your ex so you feel like you have some support in class. However if there are other issues present that make going to class unbearable such as gossip, name calling or abuse – it’s a good idea to ask for some help.
Q I feel like I’m the only person in my grade who hasn’t had sex yet. Is this true?
No. There are lots of people in your grade who have not had sex yet. It may seem like everyone is talking about sex but this doesn’t mean that everyone has had sex. It can be really easy to compare yourself to other people or what you think other people may be doing. However the most important thing to think about is where you’re at and what you’re ready for in your relationship.
Q Do guys know when they’re going to come so that during sex they can pull out without making the girl pregnant?
Withdrawal is an ineffective method of contraception for younger people. Younger men tend to ejaculate much more quickly; sex with partners is newer to them so it's tougher for young men to anticipate when their orgasm is going to happen or has even started happening; younger people are often just learning how to communicate with each other well about and during sex; and young people are also often more fertile than their older counterparts. These are some reasons why even advocates for withdrawal overall will express that it is not often the best choice for young people.
It also gives zero protection against STI’s!
Q Should people watch porn while having sex?
Everyone has different ways of getting excited and again, exploring your sexual desires is a natural and healthy thing. I guess the thing to be mindful of is that porn can create some very unrealistic expectations about sex, sexual acts, what women look like, what men look like and what people enjoy in sexual relationships. With all of this in mind, it’s really up to you and your partner to communicate with each other and decide if you are both happy to include this in your sexual relationship.
Q How can I make my boyfriend be more romantic?
Some boys are more romantic than others. Just because he’s not buying you flowers every week doesn’t mean that he’s not into you. People show their affection and love in different ways – some people are good at talking about how they feel, some people do little thoughtful things and Ryan Gosling will go to war, write to you every day for a year, build your dream house, wait years and years for you, take you on a row boat through a flock of swans and declare his love to you in the pouring rain...
There are a lot of romantic movies out there that might give us unrealistic ideas about romance and what relationships are like. What you need to remember is that everyone is different and not everyone is going to act like they do in the movies. That said, it is nice to get spoilt from time to time. If you are feeling a little neglected you might have to let your boyfriend know. You might need to do it in a very obvious way e.g. “Take me out to see a movie THAT NO ONE GETS KILLED IN”.
Q How will I know when I’m ready to have sex?
Only you can decide when you are ready to have sex. Sex is both a physical and an emotional experience so it’s important that you feel comfortable and can openly communicate with your partner about sex. Before you have sex it is important to talk about how you feel about each other while also considering contraception and possible consequences such as STI’s, unplanned pregnancies and how sex may change the relationship. Remember that all parties of sexual activity need to give their informed consent. It is also important to think about why you want to have sex. Some people decide to have sex for reasons they might regret later, for example; deciding to have sex because all of your friends are having sex may mean that you are not ready to have sex.
Q How do I break up with my boyfriend/girlfriend without being mean?
Breaking up is hard for all involved, whether you’re breaking up or being dumped. The most important thing is to be respectful, try to put yourself in their shoes (e.g. if you wouldn’t like to find out you're being dumped by a text message, then don’t do it that way). Try to make sure they are the first person to find out – one of the worst things is finding out through a friend or a Facebook update. Make sure you have time to talk in private (it can be rather upsetting/embarrassing to be dumped in front of other people) and sometimes it may help if you think about what you want to say and what you don’t need to say. Relationship break ups can be tough and sad for both involved so it’s important that you have some support.
Q Someone at school showed me a naked photo/selfie of a chick I know. Should I tell someone?
Selfies tend to go viral very quickly, even when the picture was intended for one person only. If you have seen the photo the chances are that a lot of other people (including adults) have seen it too. Think about how you might feel if something like this happened to you or one of your close friends. The spreading of these images can have a huge impact on relationships, friendships, school, family, work, mental health and emotional wellbeing. Privately telling a trusted adult could do a lot to support the girl involved. There are also a number of legal consequences to keeping these images on your phone, tablet or computer, forwarding them on to others, or putting them on social media that should be considered.
Q Do all girls shave their pubes?
This is a very personal decision for the girl to make, Not all girls shave/ wax their pubes. If this is something that you are considering, shaving or waxing the pubic area (for males and females) can result in infections, ingrown hairs and irritation. Growing pubic hair is a normal and natural thing that your body will do as you mature and should not be seen as disgusting or gross if one chooses to shave it off or not.
Q Is it ok to look at porn?
This is a really personal decision and can be a very sensitive issue. People have very different feelings and opinions about porn. For a lot of young people, viewing porn is their first experience of sex so it is important to remember that porn can give people unrealistic ideas about sex, sexual acts, what women look like, what men look like and what people enjoy in sexual relationships. A lot of on- line porn involves acts of degradation and violence that do not reflect respectful behaviour in real life relationships.
There are many elements that make a relationship ‘good’ and many of them depend on what’s important to you. For example; common interests, personality type, similar sense of humour, similar values, morals and life goals. These are some elements that can add to the compatibility in a relationship. However in a good healthy relationship, underlying all these elements, there needs to be respect, regardless of the other positive attributes your partner has.
Respect is demonstrated in many ways for example, being able to trust one another, respecting and understanding each others boundaries, acknowledging eachothers different points of view and being able to communicate openly and fairly.
To have a good relationship, there needs to be an equal balance of power, this means that when these points of difference come up, you are able to have open respectful communication and work through these challenges. It means one partner does not control, manipulate or degrade the other and instead, you problem solve, build eachother up and support eachother in your individual and shared goals.
Q We were at my boyfriend’s place. I told my boyfriend that I just want to cuddle and watch movie. And no sexual intercourse. He kept on asking me and then asking why I don't want to. He then suddenly ignored me like he was upset. I think he didn't really respect my decision.Hi! We think you are right – it seems from his actions that he was not fully respecting or supporting your decision. Firstly, well done for setting some boundaries and communicating them clearly to your boyfriend. That can take some guts. At Respect Me, we know that consent and respect go hand-in-hand, and that consent needs to be enthusiastically and freely given – not pressured or coerced. It’s also important to realise that it’s also reversible and specific, so you have the right say what to what to do, what you don’t want to do, and you can change your mind at any time. It might be a good idea to have a conversation with your boyfriend at a time when you are both happy and relaxed – not when either of you is feeling pressured or rejected – about what you are comfortable doing or not doing together. You can try talking about what you like and respect in him, and what is important to you and your values. Then let him know that it is important to you that he respects your decisions and behaves in a supportive and kind way when talk about your boundaries. Relationships can we wonderful and very rewarding, but they are also a lot of hard work! You are off to a good start, and we wish you good luck!- Bonnie
Q Why are women always half naked and men fully clothed in music vids?
It’s pretty silly isn’t it? It’s not just in music vids though – it seems that a lot of popular culture believes that women should be half (or mostly!) naked while the men that they are dancing around are fully clothed. This buys in to the idea that women are sexually available ALL of the time and that men want sex ALL of the time and are entitled to sex all of the time – but not with real women, only with sexually available women who are skinny, tanned, big breasted, big bootied and very flexible. Doesn’t sound much like real life does it?
Q How can I talk to the person I have a crush on without acting like a dickhead?
Lots of thoughts and feelings arise when you are around the person you like – and a big one is the fear of rejection. Most people are scared of being rejected because they think that it means that there is something wrong with them. But chances are, if you’re trying to act like anyone other than whom you really are, you’re probably acting like a bit of a douche. Just remember that this relationship stuff is new to everyone your age and the person you like is probably just as nervous about getting it right as you are.
Q Can you have sex before you hit puberty?
Biologically, sex is about reproduction and puberty is the body making it ready to reproduce. It is also illegal in Queensland to have vaginal sex under the age of 16 and anal sex under the age of 18. Emotionally, young people who have not yet reached puberty are unable to fully realise and recognise the implications and consequences of being sexually active.
Q How can I not be so shy around the opposite sex?
It’s very normal to feel shy around the opposite sex, although knowing that doesn’t make it easier to behave in a more outgoing way! If we worry too much about getting a girlfriend/boyfriend, then we start to worry too much about what people of the opposite sex think of us and this creates more shyness. If you’re really uncomfortable around boys/girls start by making a few friends with some. You may feel less pressure if you don’t have to worry about whether they like you or not (in that way), or if they are going to try and kiss you! The more time we spend doing something that is uncomfortable, the less uncomfortable it becomes.
Q How will I know if I have the right hole?
Obviously this is referencing heterosexual sex. Firstly, it’s ok for you to ask her to help. Have your partner guide you. This means that you also know she is comfortable. Also, our bodies are built so that when a couple is in what is called ‘missionary position’ (that is when the man is on top and the woman is on the bottom facing him) it is very difficult for the penis to penetrate the anus.
Q How do I know if somebody likes me?
Because everybody is different, everybody will have different ways of behaving when they like someone. However, some of the more common things include looking at you a lot, finding ways to be near you, possibly showing off a bit when you’re around them. The only definite way to know is for you to ask them.
Q Can you change your mind in the beginning of sex? If the person doesn't stop is it rape?Consent must be given freely, willingly and enthusiastically. There is a graphic called FRIES to help us remember that consent needs to be Freely Given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, and Specific.So, the Reversible bit means that you can say NO at any point – beginning, middle or end, and expect the other person to stop and treat you respectfully. It doesn’t matter if you have had sex with the person before, it doesn’t matter what your relationship is – if you change your mind at any point and the other person does not stop then it is rape/sexual assault.If you want to change your mind you can state very clearly that you are not consenting and ask them to stop. Tell them that they are breaking the law if they continue. If you feel unsafe you can also call 000.If you’ve been sexually assaulted, it’s not something you have to cope with on your own. Here are some things you can do straight away.Ensure that you're safeIf you’re in danger, or you’re worried about your safety, contact emergency services on 000 immediately and try to get to somewhere safe.Talk to someoneFind someone you feel you can talk to about it, such as a friend, family member, counsellor, school nurse or youth worker.In Cairns we have True Child & Family Service, you can phone them on 4281 6893 or visit at 216 Draper St Parramatta Park - they provide counselling and support to young people. You can also call Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 or 1800RESPECT at any time or use their webchat.Get medical helpIf you’ve been sexually assaulted, it's possible to get medical support. You could go to a hospital or health centre where they can give you appropriate medical care. Trust yourselfIf someone has assaulted you, you may not feel confident about what to do next. Trust your instincts. Remember that it’s never okay for someone to assault you for any reason.- Bonnie
Q I’m really embarrassed about my vagina. My flaps hang out of the bottom and it looks so ugly!
Labia minora are the internal vaginal lips that sit inside of the labia majora and just like the rest of our body they differ immensely from one woman to another. One of the issues with body image and pornography is that we are only shown one body type and that usually means one vagina type. Many women who perform in porn have had labiaplasty – a cosmetic procedure to reduce the size of their labia minora – just like many female porn performers have had breast augmentations. There is no ‘normal’ when it comes to labia, but if your labia minora protrude to the point where they are painful it may be worth talking to your doctor.
Q What do you do or say to help if your friend is in an unhealthy relationship?
It can be really hard to watch your close friend stay in an unhealthy relationship but the most important thing you can do is to be there for your friend and support them no matter what their decision is (if they stay in the relationship or break up).
Talking and listening to your friend shows that you care and this may also help your friend realise that they may not be in a respectful relationship. It’s important not to blame your friend for the relationship or tell them to leave. Instead ask them if there is anything you can do to help, let them know about the support services in school or in your community that may be helpful. For more information check out our page on Intimate Partner Violence for tips on what to do & say to a friend who may be in an unhealthy relationship.
Q How do I get a girlfriend?Before you look at how you get a girlfriend, a good thing is to work out why you would like a girlfriend. Is there someone you have romantic feelings for? Is it because some of your friends have girlfriends?If there is someone you are interested in, there are many ways you could go about asking them out. You could start off building a friendship, seeing if you have common interests, morals and values that are similar. If this goes well and you feel like you and this person would work well in a romantic relationship, then you could ask the person out on a date. You can do this in a few ways, if you feel too nervous to do it face to face, you could send them a message asking them if they would like to go out with you. If you would prefer to do it in person, its important to choose your time well. Maybe somewhere away from your peers, where you can both talk respectfully and honestly about it. Something to consider before this is that you may not always get the answer you are hoping for. Be prepared for this and remember how important it is to be respectful no matter what. If the person you like tells you they would not like to date you, respectfully accept their answer and remember, you deserve to date someone who feels as excited about the relationship as you, so their honesty is a good thing. Using respect and being prepared when asking someone out makes room for a healthy friendship If the feelings are not mutual. And if they are mutual, congratulations! You and your girlfriend can enter into a relationship that started with respect.~ Christie
Q My boyfriend/girlfriend wants to go to second base. What is second base?
It depends on who you ask... the definition of what second base is seems to change from person to person, group to group and website to website. The only sure fire way of working out what second base is, is asking your partner what they mean by second base. Even though your partner wants to go to second base, remember it’s your choice as well.
Q Is it normal to be obsessed with someone?
It is normal and natural to think about someone you have a crush on a lot of the time. However, as with anything, if it starts to affect other areas of your life you may need to talk to an adult about what is happening for you. It is also important to keep your actions and behaviour towards the other person respectful. Being obsessive towards another person may be frightening for them and some actions may be against the law eg: stalking.
Q Does sex hurt (the girl)?
It shouldn’t. If a girl’s body isn’t physically ready for sex (she hasn’t produced enough natural lubricant) then sex may be a little painful. This can be avoided - mainly through communication between partners. However, there are certain medical conditions that can make sexual penetration painful and uncomfortable for the female and she will need to see her doctor about this.
Q My boyfriend asked me for sex before he asked me out! Is this normal?
With all relationships (friendships included) we need to think about how we would like to be treated, what are our rights, what do we want in a partner/ friend and what values are important to us in a relationship. Being sexual is only one part of a relationship and if they are asking that kind of question before asking you out you need to reflect on what you want from a relationship, what it seems they want and consider whether these match.
Q I’ve heard about protection orders. What are they?
A domestic violence protection order is a civil order made by a court that imposes conditions to protect a person from future domestic violence. A domestic violence order can either be a protection order or a temporary protection order. A protection order is a final long term order that a person must not commit domestic violence against any person named in the order. The court can also impose other conditions in the order, for example, staying away from the abused person’s home or workplace. If the abuser breaches the conditions of the order, they can be fined or jailed. More information on protection orders can be found here:
Q Would you send a topless photo of yourself to your boyfriend?
A lot of young people are confronted by this issue in their relationships. It is important to consider the consequences of sending a picture. It is really important that you think about why you are doing it and what could happen if you do send a picture. Some of the possible things that could happen include:
Legal ramifications (young people being charged with producing and distributing child pornography),
Viral distribution of the image/s (once you send that image you have no control over where it goes or who gets to see it).
Break-ups. If you and your partner break up, what could happen with the image ... how would you feel about friends, family, teachers, work mates seeing the image?
It is something that might seem fun and harmless at the time but it is a big risk. There are also other ways to be intimate and have fun with your partner.
Q How are babies made?
When girls and boys reach puberty, their bodies start to change and become more mature. From this time, if a male and a female have sexual intercourse, it is possible that the girl could get pregnant. When a male ejaculates sperm from the penis during sexual intercourse, they swim up the vagina through the cervix, into the uterus and then into the fallopian tubes of the female. These sperm are looking for an egg to fertilise. When a female is born she carries hundreds of eggs ready to use when she becomes an adult. Once a month, the female releases an egg. If an egg has been released, a sperm can fertilise it and make the first cell of a new baby. Once one sperm has fertilised the egg, no other sperm can get in. For the sperm it's like a race and there is only one winner. This fertilised egg immediately divides into two cells; these cells then divide again and again over the next couple of days as the cluster of cells makes its way to the uterus (womb). Here it is implanted in the lining of the uterus and continues dividing its cells to make billions of new cells. The female is now pregnant. Over 9-10 months, these cells will grow into a new person - a baby.
The best way to avoid an unplanned pregnancy is to use contraception.