Q I’ve heard about protection orders. What are they?
A domestic violence protection order is a civil order made by a court that imposes conditions to protect a person from future domestic violence. A domestic violence order can either be a protection order or a temporary protection order. A protection order is a final long term order that a person must not commit domestic violence against any person named in the order. The court can also impose other conditions in the order, for example, staying away from the abused person’s home or workplace. If the abuser breaches the conditions of the order, they can be fined or jailed. More information on protection orders can be found here:
Q I feel like I’m the only person in my grade who hasn’t had sex yet. Is this true?
No. There are lots of people in your grade who have not had sex yet. It may seem like everyone is talking about sex but this doesn’t mean that everyone has had sex. It can be really easy to compare yourself to other people or what you think other people may be doing. However the most important thing to think about is where you’re at and what you’re ready for in your relationship.
Q Why are girls considered less than boys?We know that boys and girls can both do lots of the same things - boys and girls are both smart, sporty, creative, adventurous, kind etc. So we know that in reality boys are not more than girls, or better than girls. I am interpreting your question as, “even though boys and girls can do lots of the same things equally as well, why are girls thought to be less than boys?”This is known as gender inequality, and it started many years ago when things were very different in society. To give you a very brief snapshot; historically, females were considered the nurturers, the bearers of children, and the ‘homemakers’, and men were the providers, considered the head of the family. Over time as technology and science evolved, so did society and gender roles. Along with the advancements, such as the contraception pill for women, childcare, and education, women entered the workforce and began challenging traditional gender roles which meant that men were doing things that only women used to do, and women were doing things that only men used to do. Our society today recognises that girls and boys are both very capable and can do lots of the same things equally as well, however because our society had made decisions about how girls and boys should be, for example “boys are more sporty and never cry” and “girls should wear dresses and always present themselves nicely” sometimes boys and girls are not considered equal, even though they are. When this happens sometimes boys and girls are not given the same opportunities. It's important that you know that as a girl, or a boy you should be given the same opportunities and that you should not be left out or discriminated against because you are a girl/boy. If you are in this situation, its important you talk to your parents or teachers about it to see if you can be included in the activity.
Q My bf/gf wants to use sex toys during foreplay and intercourse, but I’m not really into it. How do I tell my partner this without hurting their feelings?
It’s great that you have identified what you like and don’t like in a sexual relationship. Communication is the key to handling this situation. You should discuss this issue with your partner honestly and explain to them that you are not interested in using sex toys for pleasure. If you are in a healthy relationship your partner will understand and respect your sexual limits. You should talk to your partner about other ways to increase pleasure which will satisfy you both. If your partner does respect your decision to not use sex toys then you need to really consider whether you are in a healthy and respectful relationship.
Q How long do you feel sad for after a break up?
Break ups can be very difficult, even if you were the one who broke it off, and you might feel really crap for a while. Some people cry a lot, some people don’t eat much, and some people want lots of time by themselves. Because each relationship and each person is different we will all feel sad for different lengths of time. It’s important after a break up to look after yourself. If you feel that things are getting worse or you are not coping it may be helpful to talk to someone such as a friend, your mum or dad, or a school counsellor.
Q Is it ok to look at porn?
This is a really personal decision and can be a very sensitive issue. People have very different feelings and opinions about porn. For a lot of young people, viewing porn is their first experience of sex so it is important to remember that porn can give people unrealistic ideas about sex, sexual acts, what women look like, what men look like and what people enjoy in sexual relationships. A lot of on- line porn involves acts of degradation and violence that do not reflect respectful behaviour in real life relationships.
Q How are babies made?
When girls and boys reach puberty, their bodies start to change and become more mature. From this time, if a male and a female have sexual intercourse, it is possible that the girl could get pregnant. When a male ejaculates sperm from the penis during sexual intercourse, they swim up the vagina through the cervix, into the uterus and then into the fallopian tubes of the female. These sperm are looking for an egg to fertilise. When a female is born she carries hundreds of eggs ready to use when she becomes an adult. Once a month, the female releases an egg. If an egg has been released, a sperm can fertilise it and make the first cell of a new baby. Once one sperm has fertilised the egg, no other sperm can get in. For the sperm it's like a race and there is only one winner. This fertilised egg immediately divides into two cells; these cells then divide again and again over the next couple of days as the cluster of cells makes its way to the uterus (womb). Here it is implanted in the lining of the uterus and continues dividing its cells to make billions of new cells. The female is now pregnant. Over 9-10 months, these cells will grow into a new person - a baby.
The best way to avoid an unplanned pregnancy is to use contraception.
Q Is it ok to lose your virginity at the age of 15?
In Queensland the legal age for consent is 16 for vaginal sex and 18 for anal sex.
Only you can decide when you are ready to have sex. It is important to think about why you want to have sex. Sex is both a physical and emotional experience so it’s important that you feel comfortable and can openly communicate with your partner about sex. Before you have sex it is important to talk about how you feel about each other while also considering contraception and possible consequences such as STI’s, unplanned pregnancies and how sex may change the relationship. Remember that all parties of sexual activity need to give their informed consent.
Q HELP! I found porn – HEAPS of porn – on my partner’s hard drive! What does it mean? Is he not attracted to me?
Different people may watch porn for different reasons. It is not uncommon for adolescents to watch pornography – to pick up sex tips, to aid masturbation, because they’re bored – lots of different reasons. However, when young people substitute real-life intimacy (not necessarily sexual intimacy) with pornography, or if their viewing of porn is intruding on their relationships or other aspects of their life, it can become an issue. If you’re concerned about your partner’s use of pornography, you should try and talk to him about it – however awkward it is!
Q I really want to go on the pill/ get an Implanon. How do I bring it up with my mum?
I think this is a really good question that shows courage and also a lot of maturity. Although this might be a really difficult conversation to have – not just for you but also for your mum, I’m sure your mum would appreciate being included in the discussion rather than finding an empty pill packet in your room. If you talk about this with your mum you are showing that you have thought about safe sex, possible repercussions and also responsible ways to prevent unplanned pregnancy. It’s important to remember that the pill/implanon only prevents pregnancy and does not protect against STI’s. If your mum is aware that you have been in a relationship for a while she might be anticipating that this conversation would come up at sometime but here are some helpful tips... Find a time when ma isn’t preoccupied so you can sit down (privately) and chat. Think about how you could bring it up. Be prepared to be asked some uncomfortable questions (when did you start having sex?) and try to be honest and calm.
Q What’s the difference between anal sex and oral sex?
Oral sex is sexual activity between partners in which someone's genitals or anus are being stimulated by someone else's mouth, lips or tongue. Anal sex is any kind of sex that involves a person's anus. That can be oral sex, manual sex, or it can also be anal intercourse, with either a penis or a sex toy.
Q Is it natural to not know if you like the opposite sex at this age?
It is natural and normal to have a lot of new feelings and thoughts during adolescence. There are hormones racing around, making your body do all sorts of different things while your brain is trying to keep up with it all. Many adolescents develop same sex crushes that aren’t necessarily sexual which can confuse things as well. Some people know from a very early age which sex they’re attracted to, but some people take a while to work it all out. Be honest with yourself and find a trusted adult you feel comfortable talking to about your feelings.
Q What is gray rape?
There is no such thing as ‘gray rape’. But I expect that you’re asking about rape where it’s not really rape. And just so you’re sure – there is no rape where it’s not really rape - rape is rape. However people (rape apologists) may like to dress it up (or down) by using terms like ‘date rape’, 'marital rape’, or ‘she changed her mind half way through’... sex without consent is rape. It's ideas like this that feed the rape culture belief that rape is only ‘real’ rape when it’s a stranger, even though women are three times more likely to be raped by someone they know.
Q Why do I fight with my friend even when I try my hardest to be the bigger person and try to make no mistakes?This is a complex question and one that is a little difficult to answer without the context. Friends can have different views, different beliefs, hobbies, interests, lifestyles and still be great friends. It's all about respect and healthy communication. It sounds like what would be helpful is to check in with yourself around what is and makes a good friend/friendship and work out if what you and your friend have is healthy, balanced and respectful. I noticed, you said you try not to make any mistakes. It is a good idea to check in with yourself around what mistakes you are talking about. If your friends' expectations are controlling, for example, you spend time with someone else and he/she gets angry at you and makes you feel like you have made a mistake, then your friend is not respecting your right to have other friends. Your friends should always support you and not try to control you. If however, your mistake is talking negatively about your friend behind his/her back and your friend gets upset, then you have broken your responsibility to be a good friend and your friend can decide if they still want to be friends with you or not. You can’t ever control how someone else behaves, but you can decide whether you want to be friends with someone who doesn’t respect your rights. And ALWAYS remember your responsibilities. If you are friends with someone, you are responsible for treating them with respect and making sure that you don’t harm them - physically or emotionally. Some ways to check if you and your friend are treating each other respectfully:
Accept people as they are. You can like other people even if you don't agree with everything they say or do.
Be a good listener so that others can tell that you are really interested in what they are saying.
Ask them about themselves.
Be a positive person; talk about the good things in your life. No one wants to be hassled by problems all the time.
Don't be a cruel gossip or tell tales… "She said… and I don't think she likes… and she doesn't want to be your friend." Sounds familiar?
If it continues to be a problem for you, speak to an adult that you trust to give you good advice on how to be a good friend. A good guide is to treat other people the way that you like to be treated!Also check out our post on Relationship Rights and Responsibilities. - Christie
Q My boyfriend asked me for sex before he asked me out! Is this normal?
With all relationships (friendships included) we need to think about how we would like to be treated, what are our rights, what do we want in a partner/ friend and what values are important to us in a relationship. Being sexual is only one part of a relationship and if they are asking that kind of question before asking you out you need to reflect on what you want from a relationship, what it seems they want and consider whether these match.
Q I’m really embarrassed about my vagina. My flaps hang out of the bottom and it looks so ugly!
Labia minora are the internal vaginal lips that sit inside of the labia majora and just like the rest of our body they differ immensely from one woman to another. One of the issues with body image and pornography is that we are only shown one body type and that usually means one vagina type. Many women who perform in porn have had labiaplasty – a cosmetic procedure to reduce the size of their labia minora – just like many female porn performers have had breast augmentations. There is no ‘normal’ when it comes to labia, but if your labia minora protrude to the point where they are painful it may be worth talking to your doctor.
Q My girlfriend wants me to be more romantic – what should I do?
There are lots of different things that you could do – it all depends on what your girlfriend likes. What she might be (really) asking for is for you to make her feel special. These things don’t always have to cost money - e.g. a bunch of flowers (stolen from your mum’s yard), making a mixed CD or sending her a nice text so she knows that you’re thinking about her.
Q What is slut shaming?
This is something that happens, pretty much, just to women. Slut Shaming is when women and girls are attacked, put down, gossiped about and laughed at for breaking the ‘supposed rules’ of being a female in this world. A girl or woman might be called nasty words for having consensual sex, she might be called the s-l-u-t word because there are rumours or people think that she is having sex or engaging in sexual activity. She might cop slut shaming for flirting with someone she likes, or for wearing a skirt or worst of all, for having non-consensual sex (that means a girl/ woman who is raped gets called a s-l-u-t/ w-h-o-r-e/ other-horrible-name).
Q How will I know if I have the right hole?
Obviously this is referencing heterosexual sex. Firstly, it’s ok for you to ask her to help. Have your partner guide you. This means that you also know she is comfortable. Also, our bodies are built so that when a couple is in what is called ‘missionary position’ (that is when the man is on top and the woman is on the bottom facing him) it is very difficult for the penis to penetrate the anus.
Q My dad abused my mother – does that mean I will be in an abusive relationship?
Abuse is a learned behaviour. Sometimes people see it growing up. Other times they learn it from friends or popular culture. But, no matter where it's learned, it's not ok and it's never justified. Many people experience or witness abuse growing up and decide not to use those negative and hurtful ways of behaving. It's important to know that being abusive is a choice - and it’s not one that you have to make. Likewise, if you’re concerned that you may be abused because you witnessed abuse growing up, it’s important to learn about respectful relationships, the early warning signs of intimate partner violence, and develop a healthy self esteem and self respect. If you grew up in a violent home you may want to talk to a counsellor to help you sort through your feelings.
Q Do girls abuse their male partners?
Male partners can be the victims of abuse in relationships. This is true for both heterosexual and homosexual relationships. However, it’s important to note that in at least 95% of cases, it is the male partner who is the abuser.
Q I’m not ready for sex. How do I tell my boyfriend/girlfriend without them dumping me?
It’s great that you’ve thought about what you’re ready for within your relationship and what you’re not ready for. As always, communication with your partner is the key. Although it may be difficult, you need to have an honest conversation in private with your partner about what you are ready to do/not ready to do. If your partner starts to pressure you into doing things that makes you feel uncomfortable then maybe you need to consider whether you are in a healthy relationship. If your bf/gf does dump you over not having sex then they are probably not worth having as a bf/gf.
Q What is the best way to handle a situation if you don’t give consent and they continue?
If you have been sexually assaulted the most important thing to remember is that it’s not your fault. This is a really frightening situation to be in and can make you feel extremely disempowered. Because all of us are different and every situation is different we may react in different ways. It’s important to remember that if you haven’t given consent and the other person continues they have committed a sexual crime.
Usually when we are confronted by a threat, our survival instinct will kick in and there are several ways we might respond. We could either go into what is called a flight, fight or freeze mode. Whatever your instinctive reaction is it’s important to realise that you have done exactly what you needed to do in that moment to keep yourself safe and the only person at fault is the person that sexually assaulted you. If you have been sexually assaulted there is a number support options available check out our Sexual Assault page for more information.
Q How do I ask someone out?
It can feel a lot safer to ask someone out online or through a text message because if you’re rejected, at least they can’t see your face. And it can be easier for them to let you down gently. However, if you’re pretty confident that they like you back, you may feel self-assured enough to ask them face to face.
Q How do I get a boyfriend?Well, from your question it sounds like there isn’t a particular person you like at the moment, so I’m assuming we’re talking about a boyfriend in general, not how to ask out someone you know already. One thing to think about first is why do you want a boyfriend? Sometimes people feel pressure because if seems like everyone has boyfriends or girlfriends so they should have one too, but in reality plenty of people are single and happy that way.Meeting people who might become a boyfriend is pretty similar to making new friends. A lot of us find it difficult to find, make or keep friends – sometimes because they are shy or find it difficult to start a conversation. The best friendships, including dating relationships, are with people who share common interests, so you could try joining groups, activities or teams that interest you, which will give you the chance to meet new people. This gives you something to talk about and can increase your confidence to talk about other things with potential new friends.Watch and learn from social people who make friends easily, practise looking people in the eye when you talk to them, and listen to what others are saying, rather than focusing on your own self-consciousness – and smile. When you talk to someone new, ask them questions about themselves or what they like to do; it’s a good way to get started.If there is already someone you are interested in, or if you try the suggestions above and become interested in someone new, the main thing is to try to relax and be yourself. Lots of thoughts and feelings arise when you are around a person you like and a big one is fear of rejection. Most people are scared of being rejected because they think it means that there is something wrong with them. Just remember that this relationship stuff is new to everyone your age and the person you like is probably just as nervous about getting it right as you are. Telling someone that you like them or asking someone out can be really nerve wrecking & embarrassing. You can try asking them out through a text or pm,and if they say no, at least you can get the news in privacy, and it can be easier for them to have time to think about their answer. However, if you’re pretty confident that they like you back you may feel self-assured enough to ask them face to face. Just remember it’s important to respect the answer they give, and make sure they don’t feel pressured either way. Good luck!
There are many elements that make a relationship ‘good’ and many of them depend on what’s important to you. For example; common interests, personality type, similar sense of humour, similar values, morals and life goals. These are some elements that can add to the compatibility in a relationship. However in a good healthy relationship, underlying all these elements, there needs to be respect, regardless of the other positive attributes your partner has.
Respect is demonstrated in many ways for example, being able to trust one another, respecting and understanding each others boundaries, acknowledging eachothers different points of view and being able to communicate openly and fairly.
To have a good relationship, there needs to be an equal balance of power, this means that when these points of difference come up, you are able to have open respectful communication and work through these challenges. It means one partner does not control, manipulate or degrade the other and instead, you problem solve, build eachother up and support eachother in your individual and shared goals.
Q What if you have never kissed or gone out with someone and you’re really self conscious?
Remind yourself that there are many, many people your age that haven’t kissed or gone out with someone before and for most people in your age group this relationship stuff is all new. It’s one of the ‘jobs’ of adolescence to learn how to relate to people in ways that are different from when you were kids. And new things are always a bit scary. If you go out with someone or kiss someone that you are already really comfortable with, you’ll feel less self-conscious and may even be able to talk to them about how you’re feeling.
Q Is it normal to have a wank/ masturbate every day of the week?
One of the big things that is important to remember is that there really isn’t such a thing as ‘normal.’ Everyone is different and is going to explore their bodies and sexuality in different ways. As long as you are masturbating in private and it isn’t interfering with your life and relationships it’s ok.
Q How will I know when I’m ready to have sex?
Only you can decide when you are ready to have sex. Sex is both a physical and an emotional experience so it’s important that you feel comfortable and can openly communicate with your partner about sex. Before you have sex it is important to talk about how you feel about each other while also considering contraception and possible consequences such as STI’s, unplanned pregnancies and how sex may change the relationship. Remember that all parties of sexual activity need to give their informed consent. It is also important to think about why you want to have sex. Some people decide to have sex for reasons they might regret later, for example; deciding to have sex because all of your friends are having sex may mean that you are not ready to have sex.
Q Do girls really like being tied up and smacked around when they are having sex?
There are a lot of sexual acts that young people might think are normal and common because they tend to happen a lot in porn. However, porn doesn’t always give a realistic image of healthy relationships. Just like every sexual act, you must make sure that all parties are consenting to each new act. If at any stage one person feels uncomfortable or changes their mind it’s ok to stop. That’s why checking in and communicating with your partner throughout is important. It is also important for you and your partner to consider everyone’s personal safety (that’s physical and emotional too) in any sexual activity.
Q What is rape culture?
Rape culture is a complex series of beliefs that encourages male sexual aggression and supports violence against women. It is a society where violence is seen as sexy. In a rape culture, both men and women assume that sexual violence is a fact of life and that there is nothing that anyone can do to change that. It’s a culture that teaches, “Don’t get raped” instead of “Don’t rape”. It is a culture where men are expected to be hyper-masculine (aggressive, tough, and violent) and women are expected to be submissive and sexually objectified (compliant, passive, and sexually available). Clearly, this belief is wrong. Most men are not sexually violent. And no woman ever ‘asks’ to be raped. The problem is that rape culture limits us to behaving in one particular way and people are so much more than some dumb stereotype sold to us by people that want our money.
Q What if me and my partner have a fight – does that mean we are broken up?
Disagreements and discussions are part of communicating in a respectful relationship. Having a fight doesn’t need to mean a break-up but it does mean that you have an issue that needs to be resolved. If there are any power and control issues in the fighting, then it is not a healthy and respectful relationship.
Q What is the difference between sexualisation and sexuality?
Sexuality is a normal and healthy part of our identity. Simply put, sexuality is how we expressourselves as a sexual being. It describes how important sexual expression is in a person's life, how one chooses to express that sexuality, and any preference one may have towards the type of sexual partner they choose. The way we choose to behave sexually is as individual and complicated as the ways we choose to dress or earn a living. Human sexuality rarely falls into neat categories or lends itself to simple labeling, but rather is a rich and complex area of human experience.
Sexualisation, on the other hand, is very different to sexuality. It involves;
when a person’s value comes only from his or her sexual ‘hotness’ or behaviour, without taking in to account their personality,
a person’s physical attractiveness is judged by how ‘sexy’ they are (sexy being defined by what popular culture and the media tells us is sexy),
a person is sexually objectified — that means that they are made into a thing for other peoples sexual use, rather than seen as an individual person,
sexuality is inappropriately forced upon a person (like when an adult expression of sexuality is forced onto children who are not, at all, at that stage of their development).
Q We were at my boyfriend’s place. I told my boyfriend that I just want to cuddle and watch movie. And no sexual intercourse. He kept on asking me and then asking why I don't want to. He then suddenly ignored me like he was upset. I think he didn't really respect my decision.Hi! We think you are right – it seems from his actions that he was not fully respecting or supporting your decision. Firstly, well done for setting some boundaries and communicating them clearly to your boyfriend. That can take some guts. At Respect Me, we know that consent and respect go hand-in-hand, and that consent needs to be enthusiastically and freely given – not pressured or coerced. It’s also important to realise that it’s also reversible and specific, so you have the right say what to what to do, what you don’t want to do, and you can change your mind at any time. It might be a good idea to have a conversation with your boyfriend at a time when you are both happy and relaxed – not when either of you is feeling pressured or rejected – about what you are comfortable doing or not doing together. You can try talking about what you like and respect in him, and what is important to you and your values. Then let him know that it is important to you that he respects your decisions and behaves in a supportive and kind way when talk about your boundaries. Relationships can we wonderful and very rewarding, but they are also a lot of hard work! You are off to a good start, and we wish you good luck!- Bonnie
Q I hate being in the same class as my ex. What should I do?
Break ups can be hard, especially at school where it’s almost impossible to avoid the person. Remember that over time things will get easier but to help in the meantime you can sit with a friend away from your ex so you feel like you have some support in class. However if there are other issues present that make going to class unbearable such as gossip, name calling or abuse – it’s a good idea to ask for some help.
Q What do you do or say to help if your friend is in an unhealthy relationship?
It can be really hard to watch your close friend stay in an unhealthy relationship but the most important thing you can do is to be there for your friend and support them no matter what their decision is (if they stay in the relationship or break up).
Talking and listening to your friend shows that you care and this may also help your friend realise that they may not be in a respectful relationship. It’s important not to blame your friend for the relationship or tell them to leave. Instead ask them if there is anything you can do to help, let them know about the support services in school or in your community that may be helpful. For more information check out our page on Intimate Partner Violence for tips on what to do & say to a friend who may be in an unhealthy relationship.
Q How can I make my boyfriend be more romantic?
Some boys are more romantic than others. Just because he’s not buying you flowers every week doesn’t mean that he’s not into you. People show their affection and love in different ways – some people are good at talking about how they feel, some people do little thoughtful things and Ryan Gosling will go to war, write to you every day for a year, build your dream house, wait years and years for you, take you on a row boat through a flock of swans and declare his love to you in the pouring rain...
There are a lot of romantic movies out there that might give us unrealistic ideas about romance and what relationships are like. What you need to remember is that everyone is different and not everyone is going to act like they do in the movies. That said, it is nice to get spoilt from time to time. If you are feeling a little neglected you might have to let your boyfriend know. You might need to do it in a very obvious way e.g. “Take me out to see a movie THAT NO ONE GETS KILLED IN”.
Q What do you do when your friend’s ex boyfriend/girlfriend likes you and you like them?
This can be really tricky. If your friendship is important to you – you should talk with your friend first about your feelings. Although this may be hard, going behind your friend’s back and secretly seeing their ex can create much bigger problems and damage your friendship. Keep in mind that bringing this up may piss your friend off. Practising what to say to your friend first may help.
Q Someone at school showed me a naked photo/selfie of a chick I know. Should I tell someone?
Selfies tend to go viral very quickly, even when the picture was intended for one person only. If you have seen the photo the chances are that a lot of other people (including adults) have seen it too. Think about how you might feel if something like this happened to you or one of your close friends. The spreading of these images can have a huge impact on relationships, friendships, school, family, work, mental health and emotional wellbeing. Privately telling a trusted adult could do a lot to support the girl involved. There are also a number of legal consequences to keeping these images on your phone, tablet or computer, forwarding them on to others, or putting them on social media that should be considered.
Q What is foreplay?
Foreplay is any sexual activity that happens before penetrative sex, for example; kissing, touching, digital penetration and mutual masturbation. It is a way for both males and females to become physiologically and emotionally ready for sex and can certainly increase the pleasure for both of you throughout sex. It is also a way to explore and experiment what does and what doesn’t excite your partner.
It’s really important to communicate with each other during the process so that each of you knows what the other is comfortable with. Don’t be afraid to speak up if you are uncomfortable and continually check-in with your partner to make sure they are consenting and comfortable throughout the entire process.
Q How do I tell if my boyfriend/ girlfriend is just using me for sex?
If your partner wants to be sexually active every time you’re together and is reluctant to do anything else with you then they may be using you for sex. Some people find communicating verbally very difficult and prefer to communicate by showing you affection though their sexual actions, however if you feel that they might be using you, chances are that something is not quite right in your relationship.
Q But don’t some women ask to get raped by getting really drunk and stuff?
No. Nobody EVER asks to be raped. Being raped means being forced or coerced in to sex with another person. The idea that some women ‘invite’ rape by being drunk, or going to a party alone, or wearing this, that or the other is what is called victim-blaming – and victim blaming is a horrible, horrible part of rape culture. Victim blaming tells the victim that ‘if they got raped, it’s their fault and if they don’t want to face that fact then they should shut up’. Victim blaming leaves the victim feeling responsible for a crime that was committed against them, isolated from support and humiliated. Victim blaming encourages people to stay quiet. And when people stay quiet, nothing changes. It also tells rapists (just so we’re clear, that’s people who have sex with someone without their enthusiastic consent) that their behaviour and the choices that they made are not their fault. Rape is the fault of the rapist. And that is that.
Q Can you have sex before you hit puberty?
Biologically, sex is about reproduction and puberty is the body making it ready to reproduce. It is also illegal in Queensland to have vaginal sex under the age of 16 and anal sex under the age of 18. Emotionally, young people who have not yet reached puberty are unable to fully realise and recognise the implications and consequences of being sexually active.
Q How do I break up with my boyfriend/girlfriend without being mean?
Breaking up is hard for all involved, whether you’re breaking up or being dumped. The most important thing is to be respectful, try to put yourself in their shoes (e.g. if you wouldn’t like to find out you're being dumped by a text message, then don’t do it that way). Try to make sure they are the first person to find out – one of the worst things is finding out through a friend or a Facebook update. Make sure you have time to talk in private (it can be rather upsetting/embarrassing to be dumped in front of other people) and sometimes it may help if you think about what you want to say and what you don’t need to say. Relationship break ups can be tough and sad for both involved so it’s important that you have some support.