In a relationship I have to... feel safe.
I know, I know, that sounds vague BUT safety includes so many different things - here are a few!
Emotional safety: I have to know I am being spoken to kindly, respectfully and honestly and that the person I like knows how to best support me. They don’t make me feel bad or yucky with their words or actions.
Physical safety: I have to feel free of violence of any kind. Including but not limited to; slapping, hitting, punching, pushing, choking, food deprivation, threats of violence etc
Sexual safety: I have to know I can freely and willingly give and receive consent (obviously!) but also know that I can be proactive with sexual safety by using a form of contraception and regularly seeing a sexual health nurse.
Personal Safety: I have to know I can make my own decisions, and that I am free to be myself. I don’t feel put down or worried about my privacy or boundaries.
Social Safety: I have to feel like it is okay to spend time with my friends and family without my partner if I want to, or to focus on my own hobbies or interests. I am my own person.
Our cultures, beliefs and individual values might mean that our answers to this question are as unique as we are, and that’s okay! In the end though, the best type of relationship is a healthy, respectful and SAFE one!
Being curious is great! This question will be answered in 2 parts to make sure we cover all the important bits.
Firstly - let's talk about consent!
To have a sexual relationship, remember, you must give and receive consent freely and willingly. This means before and during any type of physical touch - including kissing, hugging, etc.
To protect young people, the age of consent is the age that the law says you can agree to have sex - if you want to. In Queensland (where we are based), the age of consent is 16 years old.
If you are under 16, you are not legally able to give permission (consent) to have sex. If you do have sex and you are under 16, the person who has had sex with you has broken the law.
Once you are 16 and able to consent to a sexual relationship, there are many rights and responsibilities we have – here are 2!
Right – I have the right to consent and not consent to any sexual activity and to have my boundaries respected and supported.
Responsibility – I have the responsibility to ask for consent and accept their response and boundaries without pressuring, forcing, coercing or threatening them to have sex.
Right – I have the right to feel safe in a relationship – free from violence of any kind.
Responsibility – I have the responsibility to treat my partner as an equal, and to not act violently towards them in any way.
Some examples of types of violence are:
Physical – hitting, punching, pushing, throwing things at someone to injure them
Emotional – saying cruel things, being mean, jealous or possessive, shaming or threatening harm
Sexual – any form of physical touch without consent, forcing, tricking, bribing, sending and receiving naked photos without consent etc
These rights and responsibilities are super important because they help us to feel safe and to make sure the person we would like to have a sexual relationship with consents, and feels safe and respected too.
There are lots of support available if you think you need to speak to someone about consent, your safety or if you feel pressured to do something you think might not be okay.
It can be really confusing sometimes, working out our emotions, and sometimes we might be confused about our feelings. If you are feeling confused or overwhelmed by your feelings, make sure to talk it over with trusted adults, like a Guidance Officer, a parent, teacher, or helpful services like Kid’s Helpline. Kids Helpline also has information about emotions here - https://kidshelpline.com.au/kids/issues/talking-about-feelings
If you are wondering how emotions actually work from a physical point-of-view - the limbic system is a set of basic brain structures located on top of the brainstem and buried under the brain’s cortex. The limbic system controls how you feel and express emotions, as well as some other functions of the body. By producing emotions (such as fear, anger, pleasure, and sadness), the limbic system enables people to behave in ways that help them communicate and survive physical and emotional upsets.
Among Us can be super fun to play. It’s obviously full of lying and betrayal so it's important that everyone playing understands that those things are part of the game but not great in real life! 😊
It’s also important to remember when playing games with a chat function that there could be cyberbullying or chat that isn’t suitable for young people. A good way to keep yourself safe is to play private games with people that you know, and to report anything that is not appropriate in the chat screen.
To report a player who is acting inappropriately, open up chat, click the ‘Kick’ menu, select the player you want to report, and click the Report button.
You can also use the new ‘Quick Chat Only’ and ‘Censor Chat’ filter to keep the game a safer place for yourself.
~ Sarah
