A great friendship is only possible with mutual respect and healthy communication.
Mistakes happen, and no one is perfect but it's important to check if the friendship is healthy, balanced, and respectful. For example, if a friend's expectations are controlling, like, they don’t want you to hang out with other people or they don't respect your rights, you can choose to not be friends.
Setting your own boundaries around what a good friendship looks like to you might help to get you both on the same page.
Our tips for being a great friend are being a good listener, trying to understand things from their perspective, being supportive, and being respectful of their privacy, boundaries, and interests.
If you don’t feel like your friendship is respectful or healthy and you’re still not sure what to do, you can speak to a trusted adult for advice.
You can read more here.
In a relationship I have to... feel safe.
I know, I know, that sounds vague BUT safety includes so many different things - here are a few!
Emotional safety: I have to know I am being spoken to kindly, respectfully and honestly and that the person I like knows how to best support me. They don’t make me feel bad or yucky with their words or actions.
Physical safety: I have to feel free of violence of any kind. Including but not limited to; slapping, hitting, punching, pushing, choking, food deprivation, threats of violence etc
Sexual safety: I have to know I can freely and willingly give and receive consent (obviously!) but also know that I can be proactive with sexual safety by using a form of contraception and regularly seeing a sexual health nurse.
Personal Safety: I have to know I can make my own decisions, and that I am free to be myself. I don’t feel put down or worried about my privacy or boundaries.
Social Safety: I have to feel like it is okay to spend time with my friends and family without my partner if I want to, or to focus on my own hobbies or interests. I am my own person.
Our cultures, beliefs and individual values might mean that our answers to this question are as unique as we are, and that’s okay! In the end though, the best type of relationship is a healthy, respectful and SAFE one!
Being curious is great! This question will be answered in 2 parts to make sure we cover all the important bits.
Firstly - let's talk about consent!
To have a sexual relationship, remember, you must give and receive consent freely and willingly. This means before and during any type of physical touch - including kissing, hugging, etc.
To protect young people, the age of consent is the age that the law says you can agree to have sex - if you want to. In Queensland (where we are based), the age of consent is 16 years old.
If you are under 16, you are not legally able to give permission (consent) to have sex. If you do have sex and you are under 16, the person who has had sex with you has broken the law.
Once you are 16 and able to consent to a sexual relationship, there are many rights and responsibilities we have – here are 2!
Right – I have the right to consent and not consent to any sexual activity and to have my boundaries respected and supported.
Responsibility – I have the responsibility to ask for consent and accept their response and boundaries without pressuring, forcing, coercing or threatening them to have sex.
Right – I have the right to feel safe in a relationship – free from violence of any kind.
Responsibility – I have the responsibility to treat my partner as an equal, and to not act violently towards them in any way.
Some examples of types of violence are:
Physical – hitting, punching, pushing, throwing things at someone to injure them
Emotional – saying cruel things, being mean, jealous or possessive, shaming or threatening harm
Sexual – any form of physical touch without consent, forcing, tricking, bribing, sending and receiving naked photos without consent etc
These rights and responsibilities are super important because they help us to feel safe and to make sure the person we would like to have a sexual relationship with consents, and feels safe and respected too.
There are lots of support available if you think you need to speak to someone about consent, your safety or if you feel pressured to do something you think might not be okay.
Sometimes friendships can be a bit confusing, I’m sorry you’re feeling unsure right now. Remember though that all safe and healthy relationships, including friendships, start with R.E.S.P.E.C.T!
A true friend is someone who will;
- Respect your passions, hobbies and quirks – even if they are into different things.
- Check in and offer support when you’re having a tough time.
- Listen to you and take the time to understand your points of view.
- Value your safety (and theirs) when you hang out.
- Communicate honestly and respectfully, both to you AND about you, especially when something is bothering them.
- Will respect your boundaries and privacy and expect you to do the same for them.
Humans are such complex creatures, and our brain can sometimes make us feel like the people around us don’t like us very much – even if it isn’t true!
So, if you have checked over this list and feel confident that your friendships are respectful, but you are still worried or have doubts... you could try talking to your friend about how you are feeling or checking in with an adult you trust.
You can also have a read of our post about respect in friendships - https://respectme.org.au/so-why-is-respect-important-for-me-and-my-friends/
