There are many elements that make a relationship ‘good’ and many of them depend on what’s important to you. For example; common interests, personality type, similar sense of humour, similar values, morals and life goals. These are some elements that can add to the compatibility in a relationship. However in a good healthy relationship, underlying all these elements, there needs to be respect, regardless of the other positive attributes your partner has.
Respect is demonstrated in many ways for example, being able to trust one another, respecting and understanding each others boundaries, acknowledging eachothers different points of view and being able to communicate openly and fairly.
To have a good relationship, there needs to be an equal balance of power, this means that when these points of difference come up, you are able to have open respectful communication and work through these challenges. It means one partner does not control, manipulate or degrade the other and instead, you problem solve, build eachother up and support eachother in your individual and shared goals.
Well, from your question it sounds like there isn’t a particular person you like at the moment, so I’m assuming we’re talking about a boyfriend in general, not how to ask out someone you know already. One thing to think about first is why do you want a boyfriend? Sometimes people feel pressure because if seems like everyone has boyfriends or girlfriends so they should have one too, but in reality plenty of people are single and happy that way.
Meeting people who might become a boyfriend is pretty similar to making new friends. A lot of us find it difficult to find, make or keep friends – sometimes because they are shy or find it difficult to start a conversation. The best friendships, including dating relationships, are with people who share common interests, so you could try joining groups, activities or teams that interest you, which will give you the chance to meet new people. This gives you something to talk about and can increase your confidence to talk about other things with potential new friends. Watch and learn from social people who make friends easily, practise looking people in the eye when you talk to them, and listen to what others are saying, rather than focusing on your own self-consciousness – and smile. When you talk to someone new, ask them questions about themselves or what they like to do; it’s a good way to get started.
If there is already someone you are interested in, or if you try the suggestions above and become interested in someone new, the main thing is to try to relax and be yourself. Lots of thoughts and feelings arise when you are around a person you like and a big one is fear of rejection. Most people are scared of being rejected because they think it means that there is something wrong with them. Just remember that this relationship stuff is new to everyone your age and the person you like is probably just as nervous about getting it right as you are.
Telling someone that you like them or asking someone out can be really nerve wrecking & embarrassing. You can try asking them out through a text or pm, and if they say no, at least you can get the news in privacy, and it can be easier for them to have time to think about their answer. However, if you’re pretty confident that they like you back you may feel self-assured enough to ask them face to face. Just remember it’s important to respect the answer they give, and make sure they don’t feel pressured either way. Good luck!
There are a couple of things that make this a big deal. Firstly, many of the women we see on music vids and stuff like that aren’t being naked because they choose to be. They are usually naked to sell something – to make money for somebody else. That makes them a commodity – a product – and that makes them objectified. The easiest way for one person to be violent towards another person is to turn them in to an object ... it’s much easier to hurt an object than a person.
Another thing that makes this a big deal is that it assumes that women are only valued for being hot. These same women who are being ‘empowered’ by being naked aren’t being empowered (or valued) for being smart, funny, witty, talented, courageous, quirky, adventurous – all of those things that make us REAL.
If mainstream pop culture was really open to all expressions of female sexuality and not simply presenting women's bodies as objects to be ogled, then we wouldn't be seeing the same body types in the same poses again and again.
Sexuality is a normal and healthy part of our identity. Simply put, sexuality is how we expressourselves as a sexual being. It describes how important sexual expression is in a person's life, how one chooses to express that sexuality, and any preference one may have towards the type of sexual partner they choose. The way we choose to behave sexually is as individual and complicated as the ways we choose to dress or earn a living. Human sexuality rarely falls into neat categories or lends itself to simple labeling, but rather is a rich and complex area of human experience.
Sexualisation, on the other hand, is very different to sexuality. It involves;
- when a person’s value comes only from his or her sexual ‘hotness’ or behaviour, without taking in to account their personality,
- a person’s physical attractiveness is judged by how ‘sexy’ they are (sexy being defined by what popular culture and the media tells us is sexy),
- a person is sexually objectified — that means that they are made into a thing for other peoples sexual use, rather than seen as an individual person,
- sexuality is inappropriately forced upon a person (like when an adult expression of sexuality is forced onto children who are not, at all, at that stage of their development).
