Breaking up is hard for both people, whether you’re doing the breaking up or the one being broken up with. The most important thing is to be respectful, try to put yourself in their shoes (e.g. if you wouldn’t like to find out you're being dumped by a text message, then don’t do it that way). Try to make sure they are the first person to find out – one of the worst things is finding out through a friend or a social media update. Make sure you have time to talk in private (it can be rather upsetting/embarrassing to be dumped in front of other people) and sometimes it may help if you plan what you want to say and what you don’t need to say. Try not to make personal or insulting comments about the person, and try to keep the conversation short and focused, rather than getting into arguments about details or who did what and when. Relationship break ups can be tough and sad for both involved so it’s important that you have some support as well.
It can be really hard for a lot of people to speak up with a confident ‘No”, so well done for realising that it is your right to say no and ask for some strategies! Everybody has the right to feel safe and supported by their friends, not manipulated, so you are right in thinking they are not acting like good friends. You haven’t mentioned what your friends are pressuring you to do, but it sounds like it would be a good idea for you to speak to an adult and get some more specific support or advice about this. Try a trusted adult, like a Guidance Officer, Chaplain, parent or other adult you feel comfortable telling. You can also ring Kid’s Helpline on 1800 55 1800.
In the meantime, here are some different ways that have worked for kids who wanted to say no to peer pressure.
- Tell them honestly you don’t want to do it, you are not comfortable with what they are suggesting.
- Make a joke, like “Sorry, I can’t. I have to walk my unicorn.” Or “That sounds like fun, but I am going to be extremely busy not doing that.”
- Laugh. "I thought you said… You've got to be joking!" Then change the subject or leave - still laughing
- Pretend you haven't heard and walk away.
- Make an excuse. "Can't stop now, got to go....."
- Talk about something else that they are interested in and don't let them change the subject. .
- Pretend to be shocked or amazed.
- Give friendly advice: "That could be a dumb thing to do. Whose idea was it? You're too smart to get into that."
- Say, "I'm not doing this because I'm your friend and I don't want to see you get into trouble."
Remember, it’s important to get some support if you don’t feel safe and supported. Try a trusted adult, like a Guidance Officer, Chaplain, parent or Kid’s Helpline on 1800 55 1800.
It is normal for humans to feel the whole spectrum of emotions from joy and excitement to sadness and anger. When you begin puberty, your body is experiencing many changes caused by hormones. Hormones are like messengers in your body that control everything! They control your growth and development, but also your mood.
When you are in your teen years you have a huge amount of hormonal change and this can impact your mood significantly resulting in you experiencing emotional reactions that might not seem logical given the circumstances. For example, you might get really angry or sad and you might not know why. I want to assure you, this is normal during puberty. This can be a really tough thing to go through and its important you are kind to yourself when this happens. Find ways of releasing these emotions that help you such as exercising, talking to friends and family about how you are feeling, and journaling. Journaling not only gives you a way of expressing your emotions but can also serve as a resource to look back on to see what helped you feel better when you were feeling sad or angry so that when you feel that way again you might be able to try a self- care strategy that has worked before.
Most importantly, reach out for help, try your friends and family, or a counsellor, and there is always Kids Helpline (1800 55 1800) available as well.
~ Christie
There are lots of different rights and responsibilities in relationships. We teach about 9 main ones in our program, Junior Respect me. All of these however, centre around respect, equality and safety, which are the most important ingredients for a healthy relationship.
Rights and responsibilities go hand in hand with each right having a corresponding responsibility, for example:
- I have the right to say no to things I don’t want to do matches I have the responsibility to accept my friend's decision and not keep asking.
- I have the right to express my opinion matches the responsibility to respect my friend's opinions
- I have the right to respectfully disagree with my friend, and I have the responsibility to understand that my friends might respectfully disagree with me
- I have the right to be treated as an equal, I have the responsibility to treat my friend as an equal
- It is important to know your rights and responsibilities within a relationship and be able to communicate openly and freely with your partner. You may not always agree on everything, but you should always feel safe and respected.
~ Christie
