Ask Me Anything! - RespectMe

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“My girlfriend wants me to be more romantic – what should I do?”

There are lots of different things that you could do – it all depends on what your girlfriend likes. What she might be (really) asking for is for you to make her feel special. These things don’t always have to cost money - e.g. a bunch of flowers (stolen from your mum’s yard), making a mixed CD or sending her a nice text so she knows that you’re thinking about her.

“Is it ok for me to cut up my ex’s clothes before I return them?”

The main thing is to first think about your actions and all of the possible consequences that may arise. Maybe also think about what your actions will achieve.

“I hate being in the same class as my ex. What should I do?”

Break ups can be hard, especially at school where it’s almost impossible to avoid the person. Remember that over time things will get easier but to help in the meantime you can sit with a friend away from your ex so you feel like you have some support in class. However if there are other issues present that make going to class unbearable such as gossip, name calling or abuse – it’s a good idea to ask for some help.

“What do you do when your friend’s ex boyfriend/girlfriend likes you and you like them?”

This can be really tricky. If your friendship is important to you – you should talk with your friend first about your feelings. Although this may be hard, going behind your friend’s back and secretly seeing their ex can create much bigger problems and damage your friendship. Keep in mind that bringing this up may piss your friend off. Practising what to say to your friend first may help.

“How long do you feel sad for after a break up?”

Break ups can be very difficult, even if you were the one who broke it off, and you might feel really crap for a while. Some people cry a lot, some people don’t eat much, and some people want lots of time by themselves. Because each relationship and each person is different we will all feel sad for different lengths of time. It’s important after a break up to look after yourself. If you feel that things are getting worse or you are not coping it may be helpful to talk to someone such as a friend, your mum or dad, or a school counsellor.

“I really love my boyfriend/girlfriend but they can be really racist/ homophobic sometimes. How do I tell them I don’t like it?”

We each have different personal values. If your bf/gf's comments are in conflict with your values and are impacting on your relationship, how you feel about them or how you feel about yourself, then you should probably have a talk with them. Some of these values might be something you are willing to negotiate and compromise on but some may be ‘deal breakers.’ It’s important to reflect upon what you are and aren’t ok with and what you don’t like and to talk about this with your partner.

“Would you send a topless photo of yourself to your boyfriend?”

A lot of young people are confronted by this issue in their relationships. It is important to consider the consequences of sending a picture. It is really important that you think about why you are doing it and what could happen if you do send a picture. Some of the possible things that could happen include:

Legal ramifications (young people being charged with producing and distributing child pornography),
Viral distribution of the image/s (once you send that image you have no control over where it goes or who gets to see it).
Break-ups. If you and your partner break up, what could happen with the image ... how would you feel about friends, family, teachers, work mates seeing the image?

It is something that might seem fun and harmless at the time but it is a big risk. There are also other ways to be intimate and have fun with your partner.

“How do I break up with my boyfriend/girlfriend without being mean?”

Breaking up is hard for all involved, whether you’re breaking up or being dumped. The most important thing is to be respectful, try to put yourself in their shoes (e.g. if you wouldn’t like to find out you're being dumped by a text message, then don’t do it that way). Try to make sure they are the first person to find out – one of the worst things is finding out through a friend or a Facebook update. Make sure you have time to talk in private (it can be rather upsetting/embarrassing to be dumped in front of other people) and sometimes it may help if you think about what you want to say and what you don’t need to say. Relationship break ups can be tough and sad for both involved so it’s important that you have some support.

“I’m not ready for sex. How do I tell my boyfriend/girlfriend without them dumping me?”

It’s great that you’ve thought about what you’re ready for within your relationship and what you’re not ready for. As always, communication with your partner is the key. Although it may be difficult, you need to have an honest conversation in private with your partner about what you are ready to do/not ready to do. If your partner starts to pressure you into doing things that makes you feel uncomfortable then maybe you need to consider whether you are in a healthy relationship. If your bf/gf does dump you over not having sex then they are probably not worth having as a bf/gf.

“How do I tell if my boyfriend/ girlfriend is just using me for sex?”

If your partner wants to be sexually active every time you’re together and is reluctant to do anything else with you then they may be using you for sex. Some people find communicating verbally very difficult and prefer to communicate by showing you affection though their sexual actions, however if you feel that they might be using you, chances are that something is not quite right in your relationship.

“What if you have never kissed or gone out with someone and you’re really self conscious?”

Remind yourself that there are many, many people your age that haven’t kissed or gone out with someone before and for most people in your age group this relationship stuff is all new. It’s one of the ‘jobs’ of adolescence to learn how to relate to people in ways that are different from when you were kids. And new things are always a bit scary. If you go out with someone or kiss someone that you are already really comfortable with, you’ll feel less self-conscious and may even be able to talk to them about how you’re feeling.

“What if me and my partner have a fight – does that mean we are broken up?”

Disagreements and discussions are part of communicating in a respectful relationship. Having a fight doesn’t need to mean a break-up but it does mean that you have an issue that needs to be resolved. If there are any power and control issues in the fighting, then it is not a healthy and respectful relationship.

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