Ask Me Anything! - RespectMe

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“Does sex hurt (the girl)?”

It shouldn’t. If a girl’s body isn’t physically ready for sex (she hasn’t produced enough natural lubricant) then sex may be a little painful. This can be avoided - mainly through communication between partners. However, there are certain medical conditions that can make sexual penetration painful and uncomfortable for the female and she will need to see her doctor about this.

“If I kiss somebody should I use my tongue?”

If it’s a first date or a first kiss and you are still getting to know the other person maybe take things slowly and not use tongue on the first kiss. When you are more comfortable, you might start using some tongue but you don’t have to use it all the time. There is no rule book on kissing but paying attention to how the other person responds may help you (e.g. do they pull away and say, “Yuk! Brush your stinking teeth!”)

“Can you have sex before you hit puberty?”

Biologically, sex is about reproduction and puberty is the body making it ready to reproduce. It is also illegal in Queensland to have vaginal sex under the age of 16 and anal sex under the age of 18. Emotionally, young people who have not yet reached puberty are unable to fully realise and recognise the implications and consequences of being sexually active.

“Do guys know when they’re going to come so that during sex they can pull out without making the girl pregnant?”

Withdrawal is an ineffective method of contraception for younger people. Younger men tend to ejaculate much more quickly; sex with partners is newer to them so it's tougher for young men to anticipate when their orgasm is going to happen or has even started happening; younger people are often just learning how to communicate with each other well about and during sex; and young people are also often more fertile than their older counterparts. These are some reasons why even advocates for withdrawal overall will express that it is not often the best choice for young people.

It also gives zero protection against STI’s!

“What is foreplay?”

Foreplay is any sexual activity that happens before penetrative sex, for example; kissing, touching, digital penetration and mutual masturbation. It is a way for both males and females to become physiologically and emotionally ready for sex and can certainly increase the pleasure for both of you throughout sex. It is also a way to explore and experiment what does and what doesn’t excite your partner.

It’s really important to communicate with each other during the process so that each of you knows what the other is comfortable with. Don’t be afraid to speak up if you are uncomfortable and continually check-in with your partner to make sure they are consenting and comfortable throughout the entire process.

“How can I make my boyfriend be more romantic?”

Some boys are more romantic than others. Just because he’s not buying you flowers every week doesn’t mean that he’s not into you. People show their affection and love in different ways – some people are good at talking about how they feel, some people do little thoughtful things and Ryan Gosling will go to war, write to you every day for a year, build your dream house, wait years and years for you, take you on a row boat through a flock of swans and declare his love to you in the pouring rain...

There are a lot of romantic movies out there that might give us unrealistic ideas about romance and what relationships are like. What you need to remember is that everyone is different and not everyone is going to act like they do in the movies. That said, it is nice to get spoilt from time to time. If you are feeling a little neglected you might have to let your boyfriend know. You might need to do it in a very obvious way e.g. “Take me out to see a movie THAT NO ONE GETS KILLED IN”.

“My boyfriend asked me for sex before he asked me out! Is this normal?”

With all relationships (friendships included) we need to think about how we would like to be treated, what are our rights, what do we want in a partner/ friend and what values are important to us in a relationship. Being sexual is only one part of a relationship and if they are asking that kind of question before asking you out you need to reflect on what you want from a relationship, what it seems they want and consider whether these match.

“My girlfriend wants me to be more romantic – what should I do?”

There are lots of different things that you could do – it all depends on what your girlfriend likes. What she might be (really) asking for is for you to make her feel special. These things don’t always have to cost money - e.g. a bunch of flowers (stolen from your mum’s yard), making a mixed CD or sending her a nice text so she knows that you’re thinking about her.

“Is it ok for me to cut up my ex’s clothes before I return them?”

The main thing is to first think about your actions and all of the possible consequences that may arise. Maybe also think about what your actions will achieve.

“I hate being in the same class as my ex. What should I do?”

Break ups can be hard, especially at school where it’s almost impossible to avoid the person. Remember that over time things will get easier but to help in the meantime you can sit with a friend away from your ex so you feel like you have some support in class. However if there are other issues present that make going to class unbearable such as gossip, name calling or abuse – it’s a good idea to ask for some help.

“What do you do when your friend’s ex boyfriend/girlfriend likes you and you like them?”

This can be really tricky. If your friendship is important to you – you should talk with your friend first about your feelings. Although this may be hard, going behind your friend’s back and secretly seeing their ex can create much bigger problems and damage your friendship. Keep in mind that bringing this up may piss your friend off. Practising what to say to your friend first may help.

“How long do you feel sad for after a break up?”

Break ups can be very difficult, even if you were the one who broke it off, and you might feel really crap for a while. Some people cry a lot, some people don’t eat much, and some people want lots of time by themselves. Because each relationship and each person is different we will all feel sad for different lengths of time. It’s important after a break up to look after yourself. If you feel that things are getting worse or you are not coping it may be helpful to talk to someone such as a friend, your mum or dad, or a school counsellor.

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