We are so sorry that you are dealing with that – it sounds like a very tough situation to be in. If this is your best friend, you hopefully have a lot of other good things going in the relationship, and you probably have a lot of history and things in common with this person. This can make it all the more painful when a friend that close makes fun of you. Your friend may not realise that mental health is affecting you, or that their teasing is upsetting for you, so the best way to start is by clearly letting them know. Try to find a time when you are both relaxed and you have some privacy, and tell them how you feel when they are making fun of you. Try to be specific about what they are saying and why it affects you, and what you would prefer. It is important to have trust in a friendship, and if you feel that they aren’t taking it seriously or if they continue to make fun of you, then you might want to distance yourself from this friendship. If you are not connected to a support service already, this might be a good time to seek some support though Headspace or talk to them at Kid’s Helpline 1800 55 1800 for more specific confidential advice.
In the Respect Me program, we do talk a fair bit about violence against men in addition to violence against women. In Australia, about 1 in 16 males are physically abused by their partners, 1 in 20 are sexually abused, and 1 in 2 experience violence in the community – also usually from other men in places like clubs and other entertainment venues. However, the majority of the victims/survivors of intimate partner violence are female (about 4 - 5 times more women than men), and they experience a repeated pattern of abuse from their partners - so we have more scenarios/examples in the program that reflect that fact. The statistics come from thousands of people being surveyed and interviewed as part of the Census and research studies as well as hospital and police data.
This does not mean in any way that women can’t be abusive. 1 in 6 men experience emotional abuse in their lifetime, and there is evidence that both men and women use emotional, social and financial abuse in relationships. Women can also be physically violent, but less often and generally with less physical impact.
Intimate partner violence is a problem that affects all of us, and we want to work together to create a safer community that supports men, women and gender diverse people to have safe and healthy relationships. If you would like more information on male victim/survivors of intimate partner violence, as well as ways men can participate in creating a safer and more equal world, we recommend Mensline https://mensline.org.au/family-violence/
It's very normal to masturbate. Most people do at some point in their lives, and continue to do so, even if they are in a relationship. It doesn't mean someone is sad or desperate if they masturbate; it's part of human sexuality and self-expression and is also an important part of learning about what you enjoy sexually. There are no rules about how much or how little someone should masturbate and it is common for people your age to masturbate regularly. Just make sure you are masturbating in a private place like your bedroom or bathroom.
We sincerely hope so. Because you are asking this, we guess that you may have a reason to believe that they might not be supportive. However, although some parents may find the news that you are gay difficult, and may struggle to accept it, parents’ love tends to run very deep.
It’s normal to feel nervous and vulnerable when you are thinking of coming out, so here are a few tips put together by counsellors experienced with the LGBTIQ+ community.
- Firstly, remember that it is totally up to you whether, or if, you want to ‘come out’ and talk to your parents about being gay. This is your personal identity, and there is no rush to share it with anyone until you feel ready.
- Be clear first about your own feelings about being gay, and make sure you are feeling confident and positive. It may be best to get some support first, perhaps from a counsellor or support group. You can get some great information and phone or online support from https://qlife.org.au/ and mental health support for young people from https://au.reachout.com/. In Cairns there are groups that meet at YETI (07) 4051 4927 and Headspace has an online youth LGBTIQ+ support group that meets weekly https://headspace.org.au/lgbtiqaplus/ .
- Prepare your parents/friends by saying something like "I want to talk to you about something that's really important to all of us…" Be positive and assertive.
- If you do decide to tell them you are gay, remember that you can’t control your parents’ initial reactions. If those reactions are not positive, that is not your fault or responsibility. It's not your responsibility to make it easier for anyone but you!
- Remember that if things go badly at first, it’s unlikely that it will be like that forever…things generally get better with time.
- Don't try to come out when something else important is going on in the family - weddings, funerals, birthdays, Christmas etc…
- Sometimes parents already suspect that their child is gay, but sometimes it can come as a shock. Let your parents know you are willing to give them time to adjust… there is plenty of time…
- Stay connected to your supports and make sure you have people you trust and can rely on to be supportive – whether in person or via the online support systems mentioned above.
Plenty of people have worried about coming out, and are happily surprised to find their parents are supportive and accepting. We hope that this is the case for you – you deserve unconditional love and acceptance, but it does make sense to plan for a range of reactions, so well done for asking and looking for advice.
