It’s great that you have identified what you like and don’t like in a sexual relationship. Communication is the key to handling this situation. You should discuss this issue with your partner honestly and explain to them that you are not interested in using sex toys for pleasure. If you are in a healthy relationship your partner will understand and respect your sexual limits. You should talk to your partner about other ways to increase pleasure which will satisfy you both. If your partner does respect your decision to not use sex toys then you need to really consider whether you are in a healthy and respectful relationship.
Pornography shows us a sexually objectified version of women. In porn land all women want (violent and degrading) sex all the time and all men have enormous penises that can stay erect for hours. In real life, sexuality is a very different for everyone. The idea that women are ‘sluts’ if they enjoy sex (and frigid if they don’t!) buys in to the idea of gender stereotypes and helps feed a rape culture where victims are blamed and perpetrators’ behaviour is minimised or denied.
Different people may watch porn for different reasons. It is not uncommon for adolescents to watch pornography – to pick up sex tips, to aid masturbation, because they’re bored – lots of different reasons. However, when young people substitute real-life intimacy (not necessarily sexual intimacy) with pornography, or if their viewing of porn is intruding on their relationships or other aspects of their life, it can become an issue. If you’re concerned about your partner’s use of pornography, you should try and talk to him about it – however awkward it is!
Labia minora are the internal vaginal lips that sit inside of the labia majora and just like the rest of our body they differ immensely from one woman to another. One of the issues with body image and pornography is that we are only shown one body type and that usually means one vagina type. Many women who perform in porn have had labiaplasty – a cosmetic procedure to reduce the size of their labia minora – just like many female porn performers have had breast augmentations. There is no ‘normal’ when it comes to labia, but if your labia minora protrude to the point where they are painful it may be worth talking to your doctor.
